So Now that we are through the classes and are going into our homestudy, I had been feeling a little disconnected. We did not start the home study right when I thought we would and I got depressed. I started thinking it was going to be like our first experience all over again.Than we decided that we were going to go ahead and register. If you are new to adoption let me just warn you that if you want to have a baby shower you will need to do it before you have been placed according to most agencies. They have their reasons why and they can explain them better than I can. So any way we went and registered at two different stores and I was excited for a little bit...until we realized that there was very little gender neutral items out there. Almost everything out there is color coded for bay or girl. Well we had no idea what we were going to have so how were we suppose to register for anything that would not be specific? This just sent me into another depressed night. Let me tell you being depressed during important times at school is not a good thing. So talked about it and decided that we were going to adopt a boy!
The next thing that we had to make a decision on was rather or not we where going to use disposable dippers or cloth. There was some interesting debate on both sides, but for me it was a no brainier! Cloth dippers can be more costly in the beginning but in the end they save you money. Not only that, and for me this is the sticking point, they are healthier for the baby. Did you know that there are chemicals in dippers like pampers or huggies? That's right! chemicals that have been linked to childhood cancer! No thank you, not for me. Even if it means a little more laundry and spraying poop off into the toilet.
Then there was the thought of feeding. holy crap! I thought I was going to pass out from sticker shock when I saw the price of formula. I had been thinking about inducing breastfeeding but I was back and forth on it. Well let me tell you...after I saw with the sticker prices, I decided that I wanted to go ahead and try to breastfeed. Not only will this help with attachment with our son but when I pump, Daddy can feed him and spend time with him too...and it is less cost. I am looking into a ebook I found. I will put it here for you to check out too.
I know I seem a little focused on the cost but to be honest it kind of scared me when I did the math. the other part of it at least for me is the fact that I want my baby to be as healthy as possible with out all the extra crap that other people put in their products. Along those same lines, yes I am going to make my own baby food.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Things I never thought about
When I was a young girl, I never once thought about what the word ADOPTION truly meant. I had heard the word and I knew the proper way to use it, but never thought much of it, because at that time it did not impact my life. I don't even know when I learned what the word truly meant. I knew kids that were adopted by their stepfathers but had no idea what the impact of that was. I knew that people could adopt a new way of thinking or any other way you can use that word. I am sure that I probably asked my mother one day what it meant to be adopted and she probably told me that it was when a family that could not have a baby of their own took someone else's baby home to raise, or something along those lines. (I am sure I understood it at the time). But I never really did understand what adoption truly meant until I was standing on the thresh hold of our adoption.
When I was in high school, I found out that my mother had a child before my sister and I were born and she made an adoption plan (of course at that time there was not true adoption plan, she was never talked to or educated about what her choices were or how here choice would impact her life). I found all of this out because my mother's daughter came to find her. I had so many emotions running through me that I had no idea which one I wanted to deal with first. But I still never thought about what it truly meant for the adoptive parents or ask my sister how it was growing up being adopted. Now I have questions for her and no way of reaching her. Go figure.
When Chad and I decided to adopt instead of going through medical procedures, I just assumed that raising a child that is adopted would be the same as raising a child that was born from you. I am beginning to see that I was wrong to a degree. I am not saying that an adopted child has to be handled with special gloves, or put in a protective room or what ever, but I am saying that as an adoptive parent, there are things that I never thought about. Lets look at just the fact that telling your child they are adopted is not just a one time deal. I just assumed it would be a sit down, face to face conversation that would happen and be done. I did not understand that we would have to continuously answer questions about the birth parents/families. I never once dreamed about having an open adoption. I just assumed that once we were placed, we would be a family and not really have to think about the birth family. Boy was I wrong. But to be honest, I have never been more glad about being wrong.
Growing up without a father in my life, because he made the choice to walk away from me, I found that I was missing something and I could never figure out what that was until I was older. I knew my father, I knew of his family, but it was a part of me that was missing and I longed to have it filled. If this is how I felt and I knew my father, I cannot begin to know what it must be like for someone who is adopted and know nothing about their birthparents. I understand the need for your child to know where they came from and how crucial it is for them to know their adoption story, but in the same time I wonder how different our lives will be with this child? Will the term adoption permeate the rest of our lives? Yes.
This is an action that we have to add into our daily lives and live everyday, not just a one time, face to face conversation. Their adoption story is something we will have to know in detail and be able to retell over and over. To be able to keep it age appropriate yet truthful. To be able to answer questions our child will have about their birth parents, such as "How tall was my birth mom?", "What color eyes did my birth dad have?" all the way to "Why did my birth mom make an adoption plan?" and lets not forget the questions from strangers that will lead to questions like "If I don't look like you, who do I look like?" Most of these answers will come easer with having an open line of communication with the birth families.
All I know is that I believe a special bond is formed through adoption, one that can never be experienced until you are standing on the thresh hold of adoption yourself. It is an experience I can not wait for. Not having any biological children this will be the only way of life for us that we will know, except from our own personal experience of growing up. It will be an adventure. I just pray that our parents and families will be as supportive with the idea of openness as we need them to be. Unfortunately they are all on the old way of thinking: that adoptions need to be closed and kept quit.
I want to take this time to say that I am sorry if my thoughts seem a little disconnected, these were just some things that I needed to get down and off my chest.
When I was in high school, I found out that my mother had a child before my sister and I were born and she made an adoption plan (of course at that time there was not true adoption plan, she was never talked to or educated about what her choices were or how here choice would impact her life). I found all of this out because my mother's daughter came to find her. I had so many emotions running through me that I had no idea which one I wanted to deal with first. But I still never thought about what it truly meant for the adoptive parents or ask my sister how it was growing up being adopted. Now I have questions for her and no way of reaching her. Go figure.
When Chad and I decided to adopt instead of going through medical procedures, I just assumed that raising a child that is adopted would be the same as raising a child that was born from you. I am beginning to see that I was wrong to a degree. I am not saying that an adopted child has to be handled with special gloves, or put in a protective room or what ever, but I am saying that as an adoptive parent, there are things that I never thought about. Lets look at just the fact that telling your child they are adopted is not just a one time deal. I just assumed it would be a sit down, face to face conversation that would happen and be done. I did not understand that we would have to continuously answer questions about the birth parents/families. I never once dreamed about having an open adoption. I just assumed that once we were placed, we would be a family and not really have to think about the birth family. Boy was I wrong. But to be honest, I have never been more glad about being wrong.
Growing up without a father in my life, because he made the choice to walk away from me, I found that I was missing something and I could never figure out what that was until I was older. I knew my father, I knew of his family, but it was a part of me that was missing and I longed to have it filled. If this is how I felt and I knew my father, I cannot begin to know what it must be like for someone who is adopted and know nothing about their birthparents. I understand the need for your child to know where they came from and how crucial it is for them to know their adoption story, but in the same time I wonder how different our lives will be with this child? Will the term adoption permeate the rest of our lives? Yes.
This is an action that we have to add into our daily lives and live everyday, not just a one time, face to face conversation. Their adoption story is something we will have to know in detail and be able to retell over and over. To be able to keep it age appropriate yet truthful. To be able to answer questions our child will have about their birth parents, such as "How tall was my birth mom?", "What color eyes did my birth dad have?" all the way to "Why did my birth mom make an adoption plan?" and lets not forget the questions from strangers that will lead to questions like "If I don't look like you, who do I look like?" Most of these answers will come easer with having an open line of communication with the birth families.
All I know is that I believe a special bond is formed through adoption, one that can never be experienced until you are standing on the thresh hold of adoption yourself. It is an experience I can not wait for. Not having any biological children this will be the only way of life for us that we will know, except from our own personal experience of growing up. It will be an adventure. I just pray that our parents and families will be as supportive with the idea of openness as we need them to be. Unfortunately they are all on the old way of thinking: that adoptions need to be closed and kept quit.
I want to take this time to say that I am sorry if my thoughts seem a little disconnected, these were just some things that I needed to get down and off my chest.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Where to Start
Wow I can not believe it has been 5 months since I last posted. There has been so much that has happened over those past 5 months that I don't know where to begain.
I guess I will start with the fact that our yard sale was a hit on the second day and that we brought in over $500 just on one day. Not to shabby. my other fundraiser was a 31 party. We raised $100 with that. I am hoping to have another 31 party and a Tastefully Simple Party this spring.
Chad and I just started our adoption classes with our agency this past Saturday. I am excited and nervious all at the same time. We have been here before, but this time it is a different out look on what can happen. I am excited to be working with Cathloic Social Services I am more relaxed with them than I ever was with our other agency. But I have to say that once things set rolling here they don't stop until the waiting to be picked. I think that is the part that I am most nervous about. I keep thinging "What if birth parents don't want us? How long are we going to wait?" These are just some of the thoughts that have been creeping up in my head for the last few days. The other thing is that it might happen so fast that I might not have time to catch my breath. I know it can go eather way but to be honest I have been on high ever since we recieved the phone call telling us that we were up again for classes.
I am excited for our new chapter to begain in our lives. I know that we are going to have many people helping us on our journey and celebrating with us when we see our little ones face for the first time.
I guess I will start with the fact that our yard sale was a hit on the second day and that we brought in over $500 just on one day. Not to shabby. my other fundraiser was a 31 party. We raised $100 with that. I am hoping to have another 31 party and a Tastefully Simple Party this spring.
Chad and I just started our adoption classes with our agency this past Saturday. I am excited and nervious all at the same time. We have been here before, but this time it is a different out look on what can happen. I am excited to be working with Cathloic Social Services I am more relaxed with them than I ever was with our other agency. But I have to say that once things set rolling here they don't stop until the waiting to be picked. I think that is the part that I am most nervous about. I keep thinging "What if birth parents don't want us? How long are we going to wait?" These are just some of the thoughts that have been creeping up in my head for the last few days. The other thing is that it might happen so fast that I might not have time to catch my breath. I know it can go eather way but to be honest I have been on high ever since we recieved the phone call telling us that we were up again for classes.
I am excited for our new chapter to begain in our lives. I know that we are going to have many people helping us on our journey and celebrating with us when we see our little ones face for the first time.
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