Things I never thought about

When I was a young girl, I never once thought about what the word ADOPTION truly meant. I had heard the word and I knew the proper way to use it, but never thought much of it, because at that time it did not impact my life. I don't even know when I learned what the word truly meant. I knew kids that were adopted by their stepfathers but had no idea what the impact of that was. I knew that people could adopt a new way of thinking or any other way you can use that word. I am sure that I probably asked my mother one day what it meant to be adopted and she probably told me that it was when a family that could not have a baby of their own took someone else's baby home to raise, or something along those lines. (I am sure I understood it at the time). But I never really did understand what adoption truly meant until I was standing on the thresh hold of our adoption.

When I was in high school, I found out that my mother had a child before my sister and I were born and she made an adoption plan (of course at that time there was not true adoption plan, she was never talked to or educated about what her choices were or how here choice would impact her life).  I found all of this out because my mother's daughter came to find her. I had so many emotions running through me that I had no idea which one I wanted to deal with first. But I still never thought about what it truly meant for the adoptive parents or ask my sister how it was growing up being adopted. Now I have questions for her and no way of reaching her. Go figure.

When Chad and I decided to adopt instead of going through medical procedures, I just assumed that raising a child that is adopted would be the same as raising a child that was born from you. I am beginning to see that I was wrong to a degree. I am not saying that an adopted child has to be handled with special gloves, or put in a protective room or what ever, but I am saying that as an adoptive parent, there are things that I never thought about. Lets look at just the fact that telling your child they are adopted is not just a one time deal. I just assumed it would be a sit down, face to face conversation that would happen and be done. I did not understand that we would have to continuously  answer questions about the birth parents/families. I never once dreamed about having an open adoption. I just assumed that once we were placed, we would be a family and not really have to think about the birth family. Boy was I wrong. But to be honest, I have never been more glad about being wrong.

Growing up without a father in my life, because he made the choice to walk away from me, I found that I was missing something and I could never figure out what that was until I was older. I knew my father, I knew of his family, but it was a part of me that was missing and I longed to have it filled. If this is how I felt and I knew my father, I cannot begin to know what it must be like for someone who is adopted and know nothing about their birthparents. I understand the need for your child to know where they came from and how crucial it is for them to know their adoption story, but in the same time I wonder how different our lives will be with this child? Will the term adoption permeate the rest of our lives? Yes.

This is an action that we have to add into our daily lives and live everyday, not just a one time, face to face conversation. Their adoption story is something we will have to know in detail and be able to retell over and over. To be able to keep it age appropriate yet truthful. To be able to answer questions our child will have about their birth parents, such as "How tall was my birth mom?", "What color eyes did my birth dad have?" all the way to "Why did my birth mom make an adoption plan?" and lets not forget the questions from strangers that will lead to questions like "If I don't look like you, who do I look like?" Most of these answers will come easer with having an open line of communication with the birth families.

All I know is that I believe a special bond is formed through adoption, one that can never be experienced until you are standing on the thresh hold of adoption yourself. It is an experience I can not wait for. Not having any biological children this will be the only way of life for us that we will know, except from our own personal experience of growing up. It will be an adventure. I just pray that our parents and families will be as supportive with the idea of openness as we need them to be. Unfortunately they are all on the old way of thinking: that adoptions need to be closed and kept quit.

I want to take this time to say that I am sorry if my thoughts seem a little disconnected, these were just some things that I needed to get down and off my chest.